Forging ahead with fictional endeavours: ~ Write a life on a page and hurry not to its grave; abhor not the coming age, for eternal is the next page. ~ Read what you will, I hope you will enjoy reading as much as I do writing.

friday

This flash-fiction is part of the Friday fictioneers challenge.  It is also a sequel to City girl, which is also part of the same challenge

Country Guy

Hot sun drumming down. The crush of dirt under trowel. Strong downs winds sweeping clothes and drying sweat. The work was hard, but boss paid well. There was the startling sensation of eyes upon him. Again. He gave a friendly wave to the sickly-tinted city-slicker sitting uphill, scrapbook fixated in hand. Her attempt at work was disastrous, now that was all she seemed to do. Sketch. And watch him like a mountain cat. He had goosebumps, but she was the boss’s daughter. He had to be polite. But he couldn’t help but wonder ‘Doesn’t she have anything better to do?’

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Comments on: "County boy: Friday fictioneers" (26)

  1. I really like the voice in your story. It has nice rhythm and is very descriptive.

    • Thanks, I’m quite verbose as a person (are’t most writers?) so I was wary of flash fiction because I was unsure as to whether or not i could actually stick to the word limit.

      Actually it’s improving my writing habit

  2. i like your creative descriptions like the “strong winds sweeping clothes…” great scene you created.

  3. The boss’s daughter! I’m not sure if I would trust her. But maybe it’s the start of something beautiful? Naaah.

  4. Poor country guy, being stalked by the boss’s daughter like that! 😀 fun story

  5. It’s the sticks – he might just end up with a literal shotgun wedding. 😉

  6. Sounds like the making of a film…or tv show. Good one!

  7. I wonder what her intentions are? It must be creepy being watched all the time, and he’ll have to watch his step with her being the boss’ daughter.

  8. Shotgun wedding or a shotgun. Good story. Nan

  9. Dear Penshift,

    I really enjoyed this. The perfect sequel that has me smiling. Glad you decided to join us. I’ve found that in the almost two years since I joined Friday Fictioneers, it’s changed my writing. You become much more aware of what is necessary and what’s superfluous in longer pieces. And there’s been the bonus of making some good friends in the group. Oh yeah…there was also that bonus of ending up as the facilitator, but that’s another story.

    Again, Welcome,

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Being facilitator must be a challenge of it’s own. Such a great bonus – more work. Just the sort of bonus I always dreamed of. As I was writing I realized how many useless words you put in a sentence. And I though my writing had gotten concise from constant essays. I was wrong…

  10. And equally well done.
    AnElephant enjoys both parts.

  11. Hey,, that was a great follow-up… It seems that the spark will never ignite though… sad but I guess real in most cases.

  12. Watch him like a mountain cat; perfect description.

  13. Liked this sequel:-)Really loved the phrase,”sickly-tinted city slicker” and the sentence,”And watch him like a mountain cat.”,

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