Here’s another episode of Jason and the Darwin Awards.
The dingy idled along the daintree river, gliding past the mangroves. The teens’ supplies included tackle, rods, bait, and of course, an esky chock full of icy beer. The bitter icy notes of beer contrasted sharply with sharp vegetation-scented heat of the summer as cast their lines into the water. Jibes and stories alike shot back and forth as the pair consumed tinny after tinny. Suddenly one shot up, pointing at the leathery back of a croc lazily drifting towards the boat. “Hey, Jase, look!” Jason steadied himself against the rocking of the boat and grabbed the spare oar from under his feet. “Let’s see how quick it’s reflexes are,” Jason drawled, standing up oar in hand. John raised an eyebrow as sardonically as possible given his drunken state and replied, “Jase, mate, if old man croc doesn’t take off your hand the next round is on me.” Jason grinned and leant over the edge of the dingy, clutching the edge with one hand and oar outstretched with the other. With the delicacy of an injured bear he tapped the croc with the oar, snapping himself back to avoid… Nothing. The shifted to eye the pair with glinting orange orbs. John broke out into guffaws. “Tch,” Jason elbowed John in ribs. The croc watched their behaviour with a patient anger, drawing imperceptibly closer. Jason leant out a second time and whacked at the croc more vigorously. Before he even had the chance to blink the croc lurched out the water, crushing the oar with a powerful snap of its jaws, dragging Jason straight overboard. John swore and helped Jason out of the river, just ahead of the croc’s second snap. Without a second to spare, the pair had the dingy motor running and shot off down the river, still cast lines trailing behind as they escaped the angry croc. Jason silently vowed, never to mock Steve Irwin again.