Forging ahead with fictional endeavours: ~ Write a life on a page and hurry not to its grave; abhor not the coming age, for eternal is the next page. ~ Read what you will, I hope you will enjoy reading as much as I do writing.

Abduction

danger

I wrote! Woohoo.  Sick feeling, you have lost! Bwhahahaha.  Prompts for this one have been borrowed from Adrian Lilly. If you are inspired by them please write your own fic.

It’s #MayhemMonday, and, you need to think quickly!

You’re riding your bike when you see someone nab a child into a van.

What do you do?

Mid-afternoon on a blazing summers’ day. Gah, why was the world shifting of it’s own accord? The water bottle was now completely drained. Not a lukewarm droplet to spare… Maybe a ride around the block hadn’t been wise when the bikes plastic seat had become so hot that leather stuck uncomfortably to private places. It was taking a brief rest in the shade of a tree that I first noted the van. It was nondescript; black with the look off having sat around one too many construction sites. The vehicle was pulled up too the curb. A dishevelled man was talking to a blonde child of, maybe, five years. The scene didn’t look right. What was it one the news this morning? The story about the child abductions? “Shit!” The bastard was offering her something. Pedals in motion, the bike sped towards the girl. A few seconds later I was around the corner with the little cherub screaming blue bloody murder in a deafened ear. A safe distance later 000 was called. Several nasty bites and half an hour later, blazing blue sirens appeared and she was safe. But something wasn’t right as the coppers pulled up. There was the cautious approach, then -Wham- dirt in my mouth.

?” There of cold steel against my wrists. The copper pulled back. Clear as day the kid was sobbing the arms of her abductor!

Please feel free to leave comments, constructive crit ect.

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Comments on: "Abduction" (8)

  1. It took me several reads to get the jist of your story but then as if a light came on I got it, I think.
    On a constructive crit level you have a few typos throughout your story. Also sometimes when describing fast action short sentences can help rely that action to your reader. Hope you don’t mind me saying that.
    Also good you are writing again.

    • Yeah, I’m not surprised there are typos and the writing is a little off. I was having trouble piecing it together properly. It shows. That and I am out of practice with first person.

      • I know that some days not everything comes out as we would hope. I have enough issues myself and so I feel a little hypocritical pointing out the errors of others. But hang in there, try again, I’ll look forward to reading your next post.

      • I know what you mean. I am actually forcing myself to write because the habit needs to be developed so that I write even if I feel bad/cognitively weak/creatively drained. Some days it just not worth the attempt to re-edit; because just not going to see how it’s a) wrong or b) how it could be better. I like to think that anyone can pull out decent prose even on a bad day with practice.

      • Its all about practice and asking yourself when you finish a paragraph or sentence even, does it make sense. Somedays it is a hard slog, there’s no doubt about it. My excuse is I never consider anything I write to be perfect, so I know if I go back there will be something I can edit, usually something like a missed out word!! But always be gentle with your muse, you’ll need it tomorrow even if today its given you the shits.

  2. Oh dear – their good deed for the day really backfired there! Good story. 🙂

  3. I really enjoyed the twist. I think that’s the type of fear that keeps so many from taking action a la Bystander Syndrome.

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