The jolt that hits you when you pick up the letter containing your next appointment time is unsettling. You try to rationalize it but deep down the sense of foreboding will never completely disappear. My last MRI was in early January. I know that the specialists have left my appointment till March – a whole 2 months later, is a very good sign. I’m only in for a follow up, which is brilliant; all considered. I may have had a door cut into my skull and sizable portion of unnatural brain matter removed, but for now the only problem is recovery.
I’m no longer sure what ‘recovery’ means for me. My ‘normal’ ways of living are a thing of the past. I can count on seizures to knock away my control. Brain damage impacts ‘normal’ functions on a regular basis. My sense of normal is now completely askew. Thankfully I’m no longer badly depressed about the loss of my lifestyle. However, I’m now going to struggle with roadblocks to successful functionality placed in my way by society.
I am currently job hunting for a job that will allow me to phase into work. I’m unable to work over certain hours for medical reasons. Now I am actually timid about the whole prospect about returning to work to begin with. I have had chronic pain for years but now I have a horde of physical limitation that will affect the kind of work I can do. In this aspect I will just soldier on like I always have. The clincher comes in during interviews. Every time I explain my current medical state/enforced sick leave, I can see in the interviewer’s eyes what’s going to happen. The are going to dismiss my extensive experience and politely tell me that they have either a more suitable candidate or give me bullshit about the job being ill-suited for me in some way. Now I’m being very careful in choosing the jobs I apply for at the moment – taking into consideration my condition and the job demands, so the idea that I’ve picked an unsuitable job is ludicrous. I will, literally, apply for anything I think I’m capable of doing. The example that best exemplifies the challenge I face is my recent experience with Mcdonalds.
I have a culmative 2 years of experience working for Mcdonalds. I have a Customer Care Diploma from their ‘university’. I applied for a part-time position at a store 3mins walk away. I worked at stores far busier than that one. I also have a diverse set of experiences from other areas of hospitality. Basically, I’m good. And that’s not intended as a boast. I just have been working responsibly, diligently and without adequate rest since I went independent. They had me in for 2 interviews (not ever happened with maccers, the last time I was hired on the spot!). Then I got THE line: I need to speak with the store owner. I knew exactly what to expect when I got the auto email once I heard that. It was generic template email. It suggested I either apply at a closer store to where I live (Ha! I knew they were putting in one downstairs) or that I apply for one more suited to my availability or hours (Hmmm when did fully-flexible become restrictive? And isn’t 16 hours part-time?). I am irritated because this is what I’ll face no matter what job I apply for. But it’s such a ridiculous response that I can’t stop laughing at it to be offended. Still, at least they bothered to interview me; I know a lot are just skipping over my application.
I really do have better things to with my time then to be hampered by society devaluing my labour value because of a unavoidable medical condition that has given me disabilities. I will attack job hunting from other angles. Meanwhile I write.