Forging ahead with fictional endeavours: ~ Write a life on a page and hurry not to its grave; abhor not the coming age, for eternal is the next page. ~ Read what you will, I hope you will enjoy reading as much as I do writing.

Posts tagged ‘satire’

For anyone needing a giggle

Gary Stu, the GremlinTonight I happened across what could be a useful writing tool, if used correctly that is… 😉 Plot generator relies on key words submitted by the writer to create a working plot from which to work.  Instead I entered random suggestions.  This is what I ended up with:

A Fantasy Novel

In a cave there lived a warped, ruddy gremlin named Gary Stu. Not a giant sizzling, magical cave, filled with potions and a silver smell, nor yet a brunette, sweltering, charming cave with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a gremlin-cave, and that means comfort.

One day, after a troubling visit from the elf Mary Sue, Gary leaves his cave and sets out in search of three squat sausages. A quest undertaken in the company of robots, trolls and pointy teens.

In the search for the elf-guarded sausages, Gary Stu surprises even himself with his resourcefulness and skill as a computer programmer.

During his travels, Gary rescues a ruler, an heirloom belonging to Mary. But when Mary refuses to try laughing, their friendship is over.

However, Mary is wounded at the Battle of Hastings and the two reconcile just before Gary engages in some serious laughing.

Gary accepts one of the three squat sausages and returns home to his cave a very wealthy gremlin.

Pen. Shift. Now!

aussienothing I’m back to understanding the literal meaning of my writing handle! Recently I’ve made the mistake of attempting to write just before I go to bed. This plan resulted in absolute failure. The moment I remove my glasses and shut of the light the power of my brain seems to go with it.  I have been doing so much recently that I’m becoming very aware of my body will and won’t let me do.  Apparently I should not attempt to write before bed; amongst other things. -_-

In about a week I fly back to England.  This time I will be flying back to say goodbye to Britain. (Yes, Pommies! I called it Britain 😛 Whatcha going to do about it, huh?) I am migrating back permanently (for now, as I live in hope). This means a speedy Clean out session of my possessions, (Just picture my face contorted in horror)  I’m suddenly glad I’ve had a cleansing session before every move and had a clean out just over a month ago.  By early July I will be in Australia and thanking the sliver of luck I have had at migrating back during WINTER.

soakedkoalamagpiepatrick Stewart

Exhibit A: Soaked Koala – The very reason for the existence of the Drop Bear myth.  They may look cute and cuddly.  They may sleep up to 18 hours a day.  Don’t let that fool you; they are vicious.

Exhibit B: Magpie – The actual inspiration for the ‘Angry Birds’ franchise. Magpies may warble beautifully but take cover during hatching season.  These little buggers are out for blood.  A common Australian defense tactic is to paint eyes on an ice cream bucket and wear it like a helmet.  Fierce as they are, Magpies spook if you look directly at them.  Why not use a helmet? That would require sanity!

Exhibit C: Starfleets response to the WW2 Japanese invasion of Northern Australia. Some defense force they turned out to be.  All we got was some hogwash about the ‘Temporal Prime Directive’. We know how much effort they put into upholding that particular directive. >.>

aussiesheep

Despite all our deadlies this is a far more likely crew to run across.  They may look like they have stepped off a page of the long-running New Zealand comic ‘Footrot Flats’ but in outback farm country similar scenes are not unlikely.

Annnd there you have it, my dose of semi-fiction for the day.  Nothing like a bit of satire to start the morning. 😀

Mirror Mirror: Picture It & Write

picwri

My first piece for today is a poem! It’s unusual for me to look at a prompt and produce poetry, though I am not adverse to writing it. This was inspired by today’s Picture It and Write photo prompt, which I have to say is quite a nice piece to work with – I feel like I could manage a few other pieces based on it alone. Any way, here you have ‘Mirror Mirror’, a piece I think quite a few of us will be able to relate to.  I just hope you can see that satirical side of it and not flame me. Please!

Mirror Mirror

Tell no lies

With these eyes

I could be thinner

Mirror Mirror

Tell the truth

I’m no sleuth

But I need no dinner

Mirror Mirror

What’s that upon my cheek

Oh my outlook is so bleak

Surely this is in error

Mirror Mirror

Just another peek

Yersterday’s bubble&squeak

The issue’s becoming clearer

Mirror Mirror

This is not my physique

I can’t survive my own critique

Gym visits you do trigger.

Image

Does anyone else feel like this?

Sleep deprived 
Blood-shot eyes
Slave labour ahead
Bed left behind
Working hard 
Societies bind
Endless days for
Thankless pay
Kick in the pants
That’s the way
Still she stands
Coffee in hand
Facing another day

Random poetry aside, who else feels like this?

Croc Bait

daintreeHere’s another episode of Jason and the Darwin Awards.

The dingy idled along the daintree river, gliding past the mangroves. The teens’ supplies included tackle, rods, bait, and of course, an esky chock full of icy beer. The bitter icy notes of beer contrasted sharply with sharp vegetation-scented heat of the summer as cast their lines into the water. Jibes and stories alike shot back and forth as the pair consumed tinny after tinny. Suddenly one shot up, pointing at the leathery back of a croc lazily drifting towards the boat. “Hey, Jase, look!” Jason steadied himself against the rocking of the boat and grabbed the spare oar from under his feet. “Let’s see how quick it’s reflexes are,” Jason drawled, standing up oar in hand. John raised an eyebrow as sardonically as possible given his drunken state and replied, “Jase, mate, if old man croc doesn’t take off your hand the next round is on me.” Jason grinned and leant over the edge of the dingy, clutching the edge with one hand and oar outstretched with the other. With the delicacy of an injured bear he tapped the croc with the oar, snapping himself back to avoid… crocNothing. The shifted to eye the pair with glinting orange orbs. John broke out into guffaws. “Tch,” Jason elbowed John in ribs. The croc watched their behaviour with a patient anger, drawing imperceptibly closer. Jason leant out a second time and whacked at the croc more vigorously. Before he even had the chance to blink the croc lurched out the water, crushing the oar with a powerful snap of its jaws, dragging Jason straight overboard. John swore and helped Jason out of the river, just ahead of the croc’s second snap. Without a second to spare, the pair had the dingy motor running and shot off down the river, still cast lines trailing behind as they escaped the angry croc. Jason silently vowed, never to mock Steve Irwin again.

Light reading: picture it and write

This week’s picture it and write, thanks Ermilia.

“…Platform 9 3/4. Make sure you don’t miss it.”

“Miss what?” His words feel on deaf ears as the faceless giant retreated into the distance. The chaos of the train platform added to his bafflement. Where’d the party go? The crowd go tighter and tighter as he was shoved through what seemed to be an ordinary column. Dylan reeled, finding himself face down in a ditch without warning. When the crushing pressure snapped Dylan awake he could help wishing j.k.rowling had written lighter books.

Down the Drain: Sunday photo fiction

ImageThis piece of flash fiction has been written for Sunday photo fiction – another visual prompt writing challenge.  I feel it came out sounding very aussie, if I do say so myself.  For those who haven’t heard of a Darwin Award, this award is usually received by those whose actions serve to remove them from the gene pool.  We shouldn’t mock really.  Jason and the Darwin Awards episode list.

Monsoon season had hit. Nationwide flood waters were on the rise. Reports of community flooding were pouring in and the emergency services were pinched to relocate citizens quickly enough. Amongst all this panic there were still groups who who took advantage of the rising flood waters. Fishermen could be seen driving their boats up high streets, and children paddling in the shallows. It was only natural that the teens would be out playing silly buggers in the flood waters. Jason and his mates were taking full advantage of waterfall created by a small depression on the hill top by challenging each other to shoot further down the broiling streets. It was chicken with boogie boards, and Jason was determined to win. With cockiness born of ignorant youth, he jumped on the board and let ‘er rip down the increasingly turbulent rapids. Jason careened down the streets, excited laughter trailing behind him, unaware of the danger he was in. The water was becoming incredibly rough, Jason other managed to steer the boar by the skin of his teeth. Panicking, he lunged out to catch a tree branch and this was not a moment too soon as he narrowly missed drowning in a storm drain. With that went his chance to win a Darwin award.

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